You should go for therapy.. I don't mean it in a bad way, but you should probably seek help from a trusted adult.

IhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchN IhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchNIhateyousomuchN