Oof.
Whilst I am a RandomNeon guy on the internet, I’ll try and help you!
First of all: I honestly don’t know what you’re going through, but I can tell it’s bad. Real bad.
Secondly: ignore the haters as much as you can. This has probably been said to you like a bajillion times, but it really is that important
Third: committing suicide (hopefully it isn’t that far yet!) is the worst option.